Trust the Timing of Your Life
Many of the clients we have at Embrace Change have one thing in common: they have regrets about past career decisions.
I should’ve gone for my masters.
If only I accepted that job offer in Los Angeles instead of Seattle.
I should’ve switched careers sooner and now I’ll never make up for lost time.
While regrets are normal and valid, they often keep us stuck and facing an outsized fear of change. The cruelty of regretful thinking is that fixating on past decisions prevents us from making changes now. It diverts our attention to the unchangeable past–and away from the time we have in front of us: a future that we have the power right now to shape.
A late start is still a start, and postponing the changes you need or want to make in your career will only amplify the regret.
As I write in my book, Don’t Stay In Your Lane: The Career Change Guide for Women of Color, “Thoughts have power. The more we subscribe to certain ones, the more we reinforce them. It becomes harder and harder to get away from them. So it’s important to stop short whenever you realize this is happening to you. Again, whenever you notice it, shift your focus. [You must actively] tell yourself instead: ‘It’s not too late.’ ‘I can choose to do things differently.’ ‘I am resilient and resourceful. I will figure this out.’ ‘I’ve had great success in the past. I will have great success in the future.’”
A simple shift in thought can slowly, but effectively, reduce regretful thinking like a massive ship changing course by only one or two degrees. While there are many different ways to shift your mindset and attitude, I’ll start you off with these three.
1 —
Talk to yourself like a good friend.
We touched upon ‘thoughts having power’ earlier, but if you wouldn’t tell your friend they’re a lost cause, why do you talk to yourself that way? It’ll feel silly at first but extend to yourself the compassion you’d extend to your friends.
2—
Make a plan.
This doesn’t mean that your plan has to be super long or super detailed, and it certainly doesn't need to be set in stone. Life happens and we often have to adjust in real time, but, as I say in my book, “you need a starting point. You need clarity. You need structure and organization to systematically work toward what you want. … If you jump in right now without a plan, you won’t be able to reassess and adjust efficiently and strategically.”
3 —
Commit to yourself, not your goal.
You’re going to make mistakes. We all do! It's part of being a human being. So remember what I share in Don't Stay in Your Lane: “You can’t fast forward experience! Remember to ground yourself in your mission, values, and objectives. Give yourself room and permission to experiment without too much pressure.”
None of these three tips is a guarantee that you’ll never again have regrets, but by taking the time now to practice continually releasing regret, you’ll be able to move much more easily into the future
It's okay to change your mind. Twenty-year-old you definitely didn't have the wisdom and insight you have now in your thirties, forties, and fifties.
And it's never too late to build a career (and a life!) that you love. In ten years, you’ll be grateful you did.
Cynthia Pong, JD, is an award-winning career coach, speaker, and author of Don't Stay in Your Lane: The Career Change Guide for Women of Color. An NYU-trained lawyer turned career coach, she's on a mission to get women of color the money, power, and respect that they deserve. In 2021, Cynthia created and launched the Embrace Change Leadership Accelerator for women of color. She's been featured in The Atlantic, Good Morning America, NPR, and more, and is a LinkedIn Top Voice for Job Search and Career.
Cynthia is a proud introvert, a classic middle child, and an unapologetic Rottweiler enthusiast.